somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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