I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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