I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
