apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i out mim tonsoeep
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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