All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
