This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
