Quick, to the slutcave!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize