remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
