Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
