If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
