dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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