ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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