mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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