I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
