We need to rekindle our bromance
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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