pop tarts are not kleenex
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
