TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
