I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
