I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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