I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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