I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
so much tequila, so little girl.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
