Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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