You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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