we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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