I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
