FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
