Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
