Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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