i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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