You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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