i don't like sucking hair
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
