He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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