oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
