3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Green mimosas i think yes
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This toilet bowl is my home.
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