the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
