He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
