is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
