We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
