His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize