I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
