Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
