shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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