I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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