Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
