He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
