I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
They have beer where we have blood.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
