I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
either way he was missing a nipple.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
