Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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