He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize