i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
