I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
