A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
