Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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