happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
