No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
