so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
