I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
