the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
