Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I will pee on everything he values.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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