all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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