i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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