My sheets look like a crime scene.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize