he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
