I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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