you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
