i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
