This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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