you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
