dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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