last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
