So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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