I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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