So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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