Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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