Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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