I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also, beer. Big fan.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
