What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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