if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Of course I have a pirate flag
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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