@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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