ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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