ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize