booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
