took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
