Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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