i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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