new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
