do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
