Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
