i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
