This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i think i have two assholes
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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