According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
