im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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