Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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