Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
