im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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