Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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