Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
