Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
