Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize