I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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