We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
