your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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