i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
