i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
