All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
