dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
