my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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