Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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