I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
