We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Vodka?
Forever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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