Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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