Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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