Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
how does that bad decision feel?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
