Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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