Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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