His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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