i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
