I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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